I’ve started this post numerous times, mainly when I have been angry or hurt, and I always end up throwing it out because writing when I am angry or emotional will make me sound bitter in this post. So I am writing this when I am calm and rational and can hopefully adequately get my views across – I’m not always the most articulate, so we will see how this goes…
I am 27 years old. I am single. I have been in 2 relationships, both of which were fairly short. The reason for this post is to hopefully shed some light on my feelings about being single and why it’s not right to belittle, poke fun, or just be downright rude to someone about their relationship status. Recently I have gotten a TON of flak for being single, maybe it’s because I am 27, maybe it’s because younger relatives are in serious relationships or are engaged, maybe it’s all just a joke. No matter what the reason is – it’s not ok to put pressure on me to get into a relationship or to get married. Since when did my personal life become anyone’s business? Since when is it ok for people, sometimes complete strangers, to give me their opinion on how to find a guy? Since when is it ok to tell me that I am becoming an old cat lady (which is ironic in and of itself since I am deathly allergic to cats and will never own one), or to call me a spinster even in jest? Since when is it ok to tell me that if I don’t find someone soon, I will be single for the rest of my life? Does getting married at a young age automatically mean that you are going to be happy for the rest of your life? Because I certainly have my fair share of friends that are going through divorces. Why is waiting for the right one to come along a bad thing?
I suppose I am “old-school” in my beliefs about marriage, but I truly believe in the sanctity of marriage. I believe in saving myself for my husband and giving him the total gift of myself upon marriage. I believe in being married for life, divorce isn’t an option. I believe in the importance of being, as my mother would say, “evenly yoked”. I believe that the best marriages and relationships are built on a foundation of friendship.
I do NOT believe in sacrificing my morals or values to “land the guy”. I do NOT believe in being in or staying in a relationship just to be able to say, I’m in a relationship. I do NOT believe in being in a relationship with someone who isn’t going to bring me closer to Heaven. I do NOT believe that another person “completes me”. I am a complete person on my own, another person can complement me and my qualities but does NOT complete me.
Do I want to meet Prince Charming and have my happily ever after? Of course, who doesn’t!? But just because I haven’t found him yet, doesn’t mean that I am a spinster, an old cat lady, incapable of commitment or inadequate as a person. What it does mean is that I am willing to wait for the right one! I am willing to wait until I am 100 years old, if that’s what it takes. I will NOT settle!
Making fun of me for being single, or cracking jokes at my expense is not only mean but it is hurtful. Maybe I will never find “The ONE”, maybe I will never get married and have a family – but being made fun of for that fact doesn’t help the situation. Telling me that you’ve given up on me and my chances for getting married, is hurtful. Telling me that you thought I would be married by now isn’t helpful – it’s hurtful.
So please, please think twice about your comments, because while they may be well intentioned or meant to be funny, they can be incredibly hurtful and mean.